who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
