Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You left your phone here
Wait...
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