I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
