True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i think i have two assholes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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