After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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