help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were trust falling into bushes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
