I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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