perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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