One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
