Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
