She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
