I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
