It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
