I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
