Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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