Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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