i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
