I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Small penises have feelings too.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
