margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
