I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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