Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
