i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
