i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
