I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
