i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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