so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
