I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
