my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
