I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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