Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
