I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
