you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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