i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
