you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
