fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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