you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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