Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
