Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
