Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
