stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
