I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
