I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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