I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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