Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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