I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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