if only i could text you this smell
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
