We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
