I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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