And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
