And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
