Umm I'm too high to move.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
