i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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