We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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