i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
home. puking in laundry basket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
