Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
