her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
