oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
